literature

Said the Man

Deviation Actions

roadfullofpromise's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

And he was falling.  
Singing.
Wistful,
Wingless,
Tumbling.
Slowly
Quickly
Tearing.
Crying?
Never.

And the night was dark,
Very.
Sunless,
Starless,
Moonless,
Black.
Screaming
Grateful
Scary?
In your dreams.

The tree was looking,
Looming --
Oak.
Taller
Than
The
Forest.
Had he
Climbed?
Too far.

The forest was angry:
A deathless
Revenge.
The man
Was
Falling --
Embarrassing.
But saddening?
No.

Outside was open:
No trees,
No anger.
Blackness:
A blanket,
A book,
A memory.
Was it
Forever?
{Were you?}

The man was thinking
Back.
Before
He
Fell.
A picture
Came
Of her.
Who?
Her.

Her face was young:
His daughter.
Found.
Weeping,
Broken,
Homeless.
But
She had one
Now.
Thanks?

You're welcome.
Said the man.
For #Improve-Imagination's contest.
© 2011 - 2024 roadfullofpromise
Comments9
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nuckykorprasertsri's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

The best thing out of a lot of things that are really good in this is the pace of it and the layout with at most 5 words which are all carefully chosen and adds a bit to the overall story.
It's short and cut off which reflects the thoughts surrounding the man - it could show what the man is like and what had happened, instead of plunging into a rant about how he feels.
The simplicity of the words and the lines make more impact than long strings of annoying words that people often use- it says only what needs to be said.
It's amazing, and pretty much perfect.